i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We just shotgunned beers for America
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
