Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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