i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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