brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
