theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
