I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
