Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
