i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
