my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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