I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He passed out mid-signature
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Also, beer. Big fan.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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