Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
