i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
