So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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