There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
