I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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