I bet he comes in French.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
