if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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