Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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