You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
