the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
don't judge my taste in strippers
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
