...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
