Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
