Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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