Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
As shirtless as possible
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
