Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
