I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
