He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
