Already got asked if we're dating
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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