I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
