The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
