Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
