first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
