my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
