we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
