come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
