and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My liver just had a heart attack.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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