the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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