The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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