Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
