Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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