God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Randomize
