you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
