someone threw a dead crab at me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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