I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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