normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
