At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
