Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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