he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize