Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You took a bar mat shot.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
