forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize