I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
