you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
