Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
