i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
