He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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