why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
