i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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