ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
