I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
