I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
