He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize