It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
