Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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