If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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