We're like a lot better than the average bears
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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