Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
