I wish I could teleport
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
