You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
