If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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