Swine flu. Run for my life!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
