and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
