True but thats because hes a fetus.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
