My cat gives me a boner
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
