dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
