im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You smell like stripper and shame
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
