cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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