If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sex in the backyard? Check.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
