I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
