Soap is not a condiment
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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