I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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