billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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