Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
